Sunday, April 29, 2007

Gaydar Aide??

Maybe there is something to this gaydar stuff. I certainly don't have any of it or at least don't trust my prejudgements of people. I know men with effeminate characteristics who say they are thoroughly heterosexual and hairy masculine men who have SSA. Honestly, I don't wear a sign saying, "I am attracted to men." I am a friendly person. My mission taught me that I can even talk to people on the subway or on the bus. I go to the gym almost every day and say "Hi" or smile at or talk to probably 10+ men each time. I enjoy being with people of many diverse backgrounds and have learned a lot from these encounters.

But last night it happened again. I walked by the jacuzzi on my way to the swimming pool and said "Hi" to a friend of mine and smiled at another guy in the jacuzzi. After my swim the other guy was still in the jacuzzi. I don't even remember if I smiled at him this time. He followed me into the shower room and took a stall across from me. (Although I have often requested curtains, none have been installed.) He is probably in his early 20's, blond, goodlooking, well built and well endowed. He began masturbating and smiling at me. I tried to look elsewhere, but was many times not successful. He could see that I was aroused. I kept my hands from my genitals as I washed. I really wanted to masturbate with him, but I didn't. He gestured to me like he was driving a car suggesting that he wanted to go for a ride with me and then gestured that he wanted to give me a blow job. I have never done anything like this in my adult life, and tempting thoughts flooded my mind. But I know what I would give up in a few moments of pleasure with him. And what would this do to him? It would reinforce an apparent addiction to shallow, sterile, relationships. I would help him continue in a pattern of empty encounters that would reinforce others in the same addictions. I shook my head indicating "No". He did this a number of times and finally then gave up and went back to the jacuzzi. I went to the locker room with testosterone surging through me and went home with throbbing testicles, hoping to be rescued in the arms of my wife. (I have never told her about these incidents.)

I don't intend to send out signals to those with SSA. But I seem to attract them. I guess that's one of the consequences of being friendly in a world where men seldon even make eye contact. I am surprised at how open and warm people can be if you initiate the conversation.

Forrester, I don't want to scare you away from the gym. It is a great place to get addicted to endorphins and it is great to feel strong and healthy and to burn out the stress of the day and to clear my brain. The collective energy in the gym motivates to work harder than I would at home. I have read a number of books while on the cardio machines and overall have met some very interesting people and may have helped them with my support and friendship. I believe that just a smile and positive recognition from me may enlighten a dark day for someone.

My shower encounters aren't things I talk about with others. I thank you all for giving me a chance to vent. I appreciate your comments. Thanks!


gentlefriend said...

Sorry Forester, it was to Foxx that I seem to have given gymnophobia.

-L- said...

You've given me gymnophobia too. But not just you. I've heard several stories like these.

Your story reminded me of a time when I was in Hawaii and got on a bus and smiled at a guy in a completely friendly way (not an I'm-trying-to-pick-you-up way), and next thing I know a guy a few rows back makes eye contact and starts rubbing his crotch. Sheesh. Makes you second think whether you ought to even be friendly!