Wednesday, June 20, 2007

In light of the LA Times and the Orange County Register articles recently posted on Northern Lights, I have a question. Are LDS Social Services therapists still teaching football and other forms of "manliness" in order to "cure" homosexuals? Years ago, a local "therapist" from LDS Social Services spoke to a large group of LDS bishops which I attended. And he described this as part of his therapy. I was serving as a bishop and went away disgusted. I have since never referred anyone to LDS Social Services who was struggling with SSA.

If any of you know of the current policy or practice of LDS Social Services, please comment.

I am convinced that for at least me and many others that SGA has an organic source. Genetics, or more probably conditions in the womb have wired me to have these attractions that are unique to some of us. Few know of my SGA, but no one has ever accused me of not being "manly". I am very curious as to how I will feel once I leave this mortal body. How will I relate with my wife when I am no longer in this telestial state? I am curious, but willing to wait for many many more years to find out.

Monday, June 18, 2007


I just finished reading a long, but awesome interview on the LDS Church and politics by reporters and Richard Bushman. Others of you may have seen it. If you haven't, it is at . I would be interested in any of your responses to it. It is late. I am going to bed. I hope I sleep. It gave me a lot to think about.

Monday, June 11, 2007


My previous post discussed using SGA erotic fantasies to achieve sufficient arousal to physically satisfy one's spouse. I agree with the comments that such fantasies can place one on a slippery slope. If erotic fantasies are justifiable, then why not enhance them by viewing porn? Then why not justify a little arousing relationship outside of marriage? Then why not a little physical stimulation with someone outside the marriage relationship, etc.? After all, the goal is altruistic: to have a satisfactory sexual relationship with your wife. It is easy to play these kinds of mental games with ourselves.

But what about the side effects? When ice skating, I prefer to stay near the shore where I know the ice is solid. Anything beyond the bedroom experience to me is getting on thin ice. I limit my permitted fantasies to those moments when more mental stimulation is needed for enough arousal to make the experience fulfilling for us. It is like using a controlled substance with little side effects in a limited situation.

Using anything beyond the bedroom situation for stimulation such as porn is to me like using a substance with cancerous side effects. I have indulged in porn. I rationalized that I was just on the edges of porn and not involved in the hard stuff. It seemed at the time relatively innocent. I rationalized that since I was just viewing and not masturbating, I was just educating myself as to what was in the "real" world. I was so involved in the visual pleasure of the moment that it wasn't until afterwards that I felt a definite absence of the Spirit. But even with that knowledge I was tempted to return again and again, until I realized that I could easily become addicted and move into harder stuff. I finally stopped, but not without some setbacks and the temptation lingers on. I created an appetite that I will have to deal with from now on.

The only benefit it gave me was empathy for those struggling to overcome a porn habit. I know from my limited experience how hard it is to discipline such an appetite. I have since counseled with dozens and dozens of men addicted with porn. I see the serious negative effects of porn on their lives, and for those married, the negative effects on their marriage. Porn viewing is usually done in isolation and can raise fantasies that lead to expectations, comparisons and disappointments in the real experience with one's spouse. The pleasure is easy and immediate (unless one must first navigate through a filter). Real life can be more difficult and less satisfying than the fantasy. During the short period I was involved in it I experienced feelings of guilt, unworthiness, depression, and confusion as I continually tried to justify what I was doing.

To me, porn has no justifiable benefits, only serious negative side effects. If anyone is struggling with it, I will be glad to email some resources I have found helpful. To me the experience underlined the importance of following the counsel of our Church leaders.