L and others have given suggestions for overcoming addictive habits. A friend shared the following with me which I have found helpful:
"I read in a diet book some techniques on “how to talk back to a cookie.” These same strategies are useful to confront a variety of temptations, physical or otherwise. There are many ways you can tell temptation to “Get thee behind me !” (Matt. 16:23)
‚ The bait:“Just one won’t hurt.” (2 Ne. 28:7) Your response: “One was never enough before. It won’t be enough now!”
‚ “But it’s been such a stressful day.” Respond with: “If I do it tonight, I will even more stressed tomorrow!” (2 Ne. 4:19)
‚ “I’ve been so good, I deserve a reward.” “I don’t reward myself with things that cause me pain and guilt!” (Alma 36:12)
‚ “I feel lonely. I need comfort.” “Guilt and shame will make me feel more isolated!” (Al. 41:10)
‚ “It’s not fair that I can’t have it.” “It’s more unfair to lose the peace and joy that will come from overcoming this!” (Alma 5:16)
‚ “It’s a holiday. Time to indulge.” “I’m not going to take a holiday from good judgement!” (Is. 1:18-20)
‚ “Go ahead. You deserve it.” “I’ve come too far toward my goal to take orders from you!” (Matt.4:10)
‚ “You did it once. You may as well do it again.” “Repeating will only make it worse. It’s like consuming my vomit!” (2 Peter 2:21-22)
‚ “Taste it. It’s not wrong. You’re just curious.” “Curious is just another word for lust. I know how cruddy I will feel afterwards.” (Matt. 5:27-28)
‚ “If you must say, ‘No,’ you are not free.” “I choose the freedom to experience peace and joy. When you say, ‘No,’ to something, you are saying, ‘Yes,’ to something else!” (2 Ne. 2:25-26)
‚ “You failed! Go ahead and enjoy it again.” “Mistakes are only failures if they are repeated. I’m going to learn from this mistake starting right now!” (Ether 12:27)
‚ “You shouldn’t deprive yourself.” “This is not deprivation. It is liberation!” (Gal. 5:1)
‚ “Your rigid rules are keeping you from fun.” “Your ‘fun’ is a little bit of pleasure with a lot of pain, self-doubt and confusion afterwards!” (Moroni 10:22)
‚ “All these rules clutter up your life and control you” “I freely chose these rules because they lead me to strength, discipline, peace, joy, and confidence.!” (D&C 121:45)
‚ “It’s just a little. It’s not like you did something big.” (2 Ne. 28:8) “A little banana peel can cause a big fall. Having just a little is harder than having none!”
‚ “You cannot deny this powerful craving.” “Even the most powerful craving is just a passing desire. I am changing my thoughts and getting out of here!” (Gen. 39:12)
‚ “You’ll never make it up this mountain.” “Yes I will, one step at a time. I am going in the right direction, even if it is not as fast as I would like. I am going to get there!” (D&C 90:24; Moroni 7:33)"
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
AN INSIGHTFUL INTERPRETATION OF MORMONISM
I just read an insightful article on the Church written by a non-LDS professor and published in a Christian Journal. It is written in the context of the Romney campaign. She responds to Evangelical Christians' fears of Romney's Mormonism. Please read it. You will enjoy it, especially her comparison of Mormonism and Evangelical Christianity. From my point of view, she has an accurate understanding of LDS history, culture and doctrine and presents it in a clear, concise, and positive way. I also must make it clear that although I respect Mitt Romney and have no question that he is a man of high integrity and is an excellent leader, I am disappointed in his right-wing rhetoric. I believe that like his father he is a pragmatist deep down within. But I think that he is bending over backward to get the right-wing vote. I may end up voting for the democrat. Politics aside, this is a good article:
http://www.christiancentury.org/article.lasso?id=3594
http://www.christiancentury.org/article.lasso?id=3594
Monday, September 3, 2007
HOW DO WE FIND WORLD PEACE ?
Please read the following letter, keeping in mind the teachings of Jesus and compare our actions in Iraq:
Letter from David Christie to George Ellis The following letter from a Scottish soldier was sent to Dr. Ellis after he received the Templeton Prize in 2004. Ellis says that despite the British army's overpowering force, they risked their lives in order to achieve peace by not retailiating but by exercising restraint, even while being attacked. It's this type of sacrifice, Ellis points out, that can be applied to the situation in Iraq.
"In 1967 I was a young officer in a Scottish battalion engaged in peacekeeping duties in Aden town in what is now Yemen. The situation was similar to Iraq, with people being killed every day. As always, those who suffered the most were the innocent local people. Not only were we tough, but we had the power to pretty well destroy the whole town had we wished. But we had a commanding officer who understood how to make peace, and he led us to do something very unusual, not to react when we were attacked. Only if we were 100 percent certain that a particular person had thrown a grenade or fired a shot at us were we allowed to fire. During our tour of duty we had 102 grenades thrown at us, and in response the battalion fired the grand total of two shots, killing one grenade-thrower. The cost to us was over 100 of our own men wounded, and surely by the grace of God only one killed. When they threw rocks at us, we stood fast. When they threw grenades, we hit the deck and after the explosions we got to our feet and stood fast. We did not react in anger or indiscriminately. This was not the anticipated reaction. Slowly, very slowly, the local people began to trust us and made it clear to the local terrorists that they were not welcome in their area. At one stage neighboring battalions were having a torrid time with attacks. We were playing soccer with the locals. We had, in fact, brought peace to the area at the cost of our own blood. How had this been achieved? Principally because we were led by a man whom every soldier in the battalion knew would die for him if required. Each soldier in turn came to be prepared to sacrifice himself for such a man. Many people may sneer that we were merely obeying orders, but this was not the case. Our commanding officer was more highly regarded by his soldiers than the general, one must almost say loved. So gradually the heart of the peacemaker began to grow in the man and determination to succeed whatever the cost. Probably most of the soldiers, like myself, only realized years afterwards what had been achieved."
[http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/scienceandhope/scottishsoldier.shtml]
Now consider what President Kimball wrote in the First Presidency article in the Ensign in June 1976 when we were celebrating America's 200 birthday and saying how good and great we Americans are.
"We are a warlike people, easily distracted from our assignment of preparing for the coming of the Lord. When enemies rise up, we commit vast resources to the fabrication of gods of stone and steel—ships, planes, missiles, fortifications—and depend on them for protection and deliverance. When threatened, we become antienemy instead of pro-kingdom of God; we train a man in the art of war and call him a patriot, thus, in the manner of Satan’s counterfeit of true patriotism, perverting the Savior’s teaching:
“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:44–45.)
We forget that if we are righteous the Lord will either not suffer our enemies to come upon us—and this is the special promise to the inhabitants of the land of the Americas (see 2 Ne. 1:7)—or he will fight our battles for us (Ex. 14:14; D&C 98:37, to name only two references of many). This he is able to do, for as he said at the time of his betrayal, “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matt. 26:53.) We can imagine what fearsome soldiers they would be. King Jehoshaphat and his people were delivered by such a troop (see 2 Chr. 20), and when Elisha’s life was threatened, he comforted his servant by saying, “Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them” (2 Kgs. 6:16). The Lord then opened the eyes of the servant, “And he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.” (2 Kgs. 6:17.)
Enoch, too, was a man of great faith who would not be distracted from his duties by the enemy: “And so great was the faith of Enoch, that he led the people of God, and their enemies came to battle against them; and he spake the word of the Lord, and the earth trembled, and the mountains fled, even according to his command; and the rivers of water were turned out of their course; and the roar of the lions was heard out of the wilderness; and all nations feared greatly, so powerful was the word of Enoch.” (Moses 7:13.)
What are we to fear when the Lord is with us? Can we not take the Lord at his word and exercise a particle of faith in him? Our assignment is affirmative: to forsake the things of the world as ends in themselves; to leave off idolatry and press forward in faith; to carry the gospel to our enemies, that they might no longer be our enemies. http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=9341fd758096b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
Compare the above quotes with what we are doing in Iraq and what we are threatening to do in Iran.
What are your thoughts??
Letter from David Christie to George Ellis The following letter from a Scottish soldier was sent to Dr. Ellis after he received the Templeton Prize in 2004. Ellis says that despite the British army's overpowering force, they risked their lives in order to achieve peace by not retailiating but by exercising restraint, even while being attacked. It's this type of sacrifice, Ellis points out, that can be applied to the situation in Iraq.
"In 1967 I was a young officer in a Scottish battalion engaged in peacekeeping duties in Aden town in what is now Yemen. The situation was similar to Iraq, with people being killed every day. As always, those who suffered the most were the innocent local people. Not only were we tough, but we had the power to pretty well destroy the whole town had we wished. But we had a commanding officer who understood how to make peace, and he led us to do something very unusual, not to react when we were attacked. Only if we were 100 percent certain that a particular person had thrown a grenade or fired a shot at us were we allowed to fire. During our tour of duty we had 102 grenades thrown at us, and in response the battalion fired the grand total of two shots, killing one grenade-thrower. The cost to us was over 100 of our own men wounded, and surely by the grace of God only one killed. When they threw rocks at us, we stood fast. When they threw grenades, we hit the deck and after the explosions we got to our feet and stood fast. We did not react in anger or indiscriminately. This was not the anticipated reaction. Slowly, very slowly, the local people began to trust us and made it clear to the local terrorists that they were not welcome in their area. At one stage neighboring battalions were having a torrid time with attacks. We were playing soccer with the locals. We had, in fact, brought peace to the area at the cost of our own blood. How had this been achieved? Principally because we were led by a man whom every soldier in the battalion knew would die for him if required. Each soldier in turn came to be prepared to sacrifice himself for such a man. Many people may sneer that we were merely obeying orders, but this was not the case. Our commanding officer was more highly regarded by his soldiers than the general, one must almost say loved. So gradually the heart of the peacemaker began to grow in the man and determination to succeed whatever the cost. Probably most of the soldiers, like myself, only realized years afterwards what had been achieved."
[http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/scienceandhope/scottishsoldier.shtml]
Now consider what President Kimball wrote in the First Presidency article in the Ensign in June 1976 when we were celebrating America's 200 birthday and saying how good and great we Americans are.
"We are a warlike people, easily distracted from our assignment of preparing for the coming of the Lord. When enemies rise up, we commit vast resources to the fabrication of gods of stone and steel—ships, planes, missiles, fortifications—and depend on them for protection and deliverance. When threatened, we become antienemy instead of pro-kingdom of God; we train a man in the art of war and call him a patriot, thus, in the manner of Satan’s counterfeit of true patriotism, perverting the Savior’s teaching:
“Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
“That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:44–45.)
We forget that if we are righteous the Lord will either not suffer our enemies to come upon us—and this is the special promise to the inhabitants of the land of the Americas (see 2 Ne. 1:7)—or he will fight our battles for us (Ex. 14:14; D&C 98:37, to name only two references of many). This he is able to do, for as he said at the time of his betrayal, “Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?” (Matt. 26:53.) We can imagine what fearsome soldiers they would be. King Jehoshaphat and his people were delivered by such a troop (see 2 Chr. 20), and when Elisha’s life was threatened, he comforted his servant by saying, “Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them” (2 Kgs. 6:16). The Lord then opened the eyes of the servant, “And he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha.” (2 Kgs. 6:17.)
Enoch, too, was a man of great faith who would not be distracted from his duties by the enemy: “And so great was the faith of Enoch, that he led the people of God, and their enemies came to battle against them; and he spake the word of the Lord, and the earth trembled, and the mountains fled, even according to his command; and the rivers of water were turned out of their course; and the roar of the lions was heard out of the wilderness; and all nations feared greatly, so powerful was the word of Enoch.” (Moses 7:13.)
What are we to fear when the Lord is with us? Can we not take the Lord at his word and exercise a particle of faith in him? Our assignment is affirmative: to forsake the things of the world as ends in themselves; to leave off idolatry and press forward in faith; to carry the gospel to our enemies, that they might no longer be our enemies. http://lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=9341fd758096b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
Compare the above quotes with what we are doing in Iraq and what we are threatening to do in Iran.
What are your thoughts??
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
COMPASSION FOR THOSE ON ANOTHER PATH
"If we could read the secret history of our enemies we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." (Longfellow) Jesus told us to love our enemies. Who are our "enemies"? They are people different from us, those who make us uncomfortable, whose lifestyle or behavior is emotionally or physically threatening to us. They may be members of the Church or members of our own family. They may be people of a different gender attraction or people who have chosen a different path than we.
Some in our blogging group have chosen or are considering leaving the Church or at least entering a gay relationship. Some are terminating their temple marriages. My first reaction is to say, "Don't do this. You'll go to hell! The Church is the only true way for you. God doesn't want you to do this. You will lose contact with Him." I have a personal testimony of the Gospel. I experience the good that the Church and Temple marriage and family have brought into my life. Shouldn't I warn people that they are going to lose all of this and much more?
The longer I live, the more I am convinced that each our lives are very complex and unique. Is what is best for me always what is best for someone else? Can I really know what is best for another person in a specific situation? Do I have the right to judge and condemn someone's actions? Yes, I must speak out against what I interpret to bring abuse, exploitation and unrighteous pain to others. I must warn against the dangers of addiction to porn, or gambling, or anything else.
But I find others with very different lifestyles non-judgmentally blessing the lives of others. Some of my Catholic friends who believe in lifetime celibacy excel me in community service. Some of my Muslim friends (some of whom have more than one wife!) have taught me a lot about devotion to God and being charitable to others. Some of my Protestant friends (who drink alcohol and coffee!) have taught me to have a greater love for the Savior. I have gay friends who excel me in community service and compassion for others (and are living in sin by my standards). Should I rush in and tell these people they are wrong in not living and believing as I do?
I believe that many of these people are currently more righteous in many ways than I, and will go farther in the next life. Am I not arrogant when pointing a finger of scorn at them? A bumper sticker read, "Hate is not a family value." Another read, "Jesus, please save me from those who believe in you."
I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants to lift us, lead us and bless us all. If we but open up to him, He will embrace us. (Yes, even me with SGA and all my weaknesses. I know this because I feel His love right now!) He will take us from where we are and lead us to "something better" if we but follow. Everyone is unique. The challenges He gives to each of us is different. "Something better" may be different for you than it is for me. I cannot understand my own chemistry, let alone someone else's. My responsibility is to listen to His voice speaking to my uniqueness and to follow. Do I have the capacity to understand another's choices. No. If someone chooses to follow a path divergent from mine should I condemn him or her or write them off as evil sinners? It is too easy to focus on our "strengths" and others' "weaknesses". A minister friend of mine is has SGA. Some of my LDS friends ignore all the good she is doing, wrinkle their noses and write her off by saying, "Well she is a lesbian!"
When I see people following another path, doing good, blessing others, sacrificing for the common good: basically living the teachings of Christ, whether they believe in Him or not, I am humbled. I have enough weaknesses in living the law of love myself to spend time beating up on others for choosing a different path.
It is not easy watching another take a divergent path from mine. Jesus has commanded me to love them, to listen to them, to see the good that is in them, to encourage them to stay close to God. I help them best by trusting them to make their own choices and staying in touch in a loving way. The Father lets His prodigal sons and daughters take their inheritance and spend it as they choose and then learn from the consequences. He does not condemn, but rejoices when his child returns. Although I am a Temple recommend carrying Latter-day Saint, I am prodigal in many ways as you have seen in my previous posts. I am grateful for my other prodigal brothers and sisters who share their intimate thoughts and insights in this blogging group. I have learned a lot since joining you.
Some in our blogging group have chosen or are considering leaving the Church or at least entering a gay relationship. Some are terminating their temple marriages. My first reaction is to say, "Don't do this. You'll go to hell! The Church is the only true way for you. God doesn't want you to do this. You will lose contact with Him." I have a personal testimony of the Gospel. I experience the good that the Church and Temple marriage and family have brought into my life. Shouldn't I warn people that they are going to lose all of this and much more?
The longer I live, the more I am convinced that each our lives are very complex and unique. Is what is best for me always what is best for someone else? Can I really know what is best for another person in a specific situation? Do I have the right to judge and condemn someone's actions? Yes, I must speak out against what I interpret to bring abuse, exploitation and unrighteous pain to others. I must warn against the dangers of addiction to porn, or gambling, or anything else.
But I find others with very different lifestyles non-judgmentally blessing the lives of others. Some of my Catholic friends who believe in lifetime celibacy excel me in community service. Some of my Muslim friends (some of whom have more than one wife!) have taught me a lot about devotion to God and being charitable to others. Some of my Protestant friends (who drink alcohol and coffee!) have taught me to have a greater love for the Savior. I have gay friends who excel me in community service and compassion for others (and are living in sin by my standards). Should I rush in and tell these people they are wrong in not living and believing as I do?
I believe that many of these people are currently more righteous in many ways than I, and will go farther in the next life. Am I not arrogant when pointing a finger of scorn at them? A bumper sticker read, "Hate is not a family value." Another read, "Jesus, please save me from those who believe in you."
I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants to lift us, lead us and bless us all. If we but open up to him, He will embrace us. (Yes, even me with SGA and all my weaknesses. I know this because I feel His love right now!) He will take us from where we are and lead us to "something better" if we but follow. Everyone is unique. The challenges He gives to each of us is different. "Something better" may be different for you than it is for me. I cannot understand my own chemistry, let alone someone else's. My responsibility is to listen to His voice speaking to my uniqueness and to follow. Do I have the capacity to understand another's choices. No. If someone chooses to follow a path divergent from mine should I condemn him or her or write them off as evil sinners? It is too easy to focus on our "strengths" and others' "weaknesses". A minister friend of mine is has SGA. Some of my LDS friends ignore all the good she is doing, wrinkle their noses and write her off by saying, "Well she is a lesbian!"
When I see people following another path, doing good, blessing others, sacrificing for the common good: basically living the teachings of Christ, whether they believe in Him or not, I am humbled. I have enough weaknesses in living the law of love myself to spend time beating up on others for choosing a different path.
It is not easy watching another take a divergent path from mine. Jesus has commanded me to love them, to listen to them, to see the good that is in them, to encourage them to stay close to God. I help them best by trusting them to make their own choices and staying in touch in a loving way. The Father lets His prodigal sons and daughters take their inheritance and spend it as they choose and then learn from the consequences. He does not condemn, but rejoices when his child returns. Although I am a Temple recommend carrying Latter-day Saint, I am prodigal in many ways as you have seen in my previous posts. I am grateful for my other prodigal brothers and sisters who share their intimate thoughts and insights in this blogging group. I have learned a lot since joining you.
Monday, August 6, 2007
ON BEING A EUNUCH
I often listen to podcasts of an NPR Radio program, “Speaking of Faith.” Yesterday I listened to one that touched me deeply about a community of mentally handicapped individuals. (http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/larche/index.shtml )
These people throughout life are limited severely. They have experienced much loneliness, rejection, pain, and grief, yet they are for the most part happy and enjoy the simple blessings of life. One person said that these people learn to live with their limitations gracefully, forgiving God for their design flaws.
I thought of myself and the limitations I experience in life. They seem so minor compared to these folks. Most of these people will never marry. They are frequently rejected by society. Most of my handicaps are private. I have a wonderful wife and family.
Mother Theresa said that when we work with handicapped people we go from repulsion to campassion and from compassion to wonderment. I think that we can go through the same process in working with our own handicaps. In the past I have thought of myself as a eunuch, without the normal attractions that those around me have, knowing that if most people knew of my SGA they would be shocked and treat me differently than they did. Then I discovered a scripture in Isaiah that gave me a different perspective:
Isaiah 56:3-8
Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree. For thus saith the LORD unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant; Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off. Also the sons of the stranger, that join themselves to the LORD, to serve him, and to love the name of the LORD, to be his servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and taketh hold of my covenant; Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called an house of prayer for all people. The Lord GOD which gathereth the outcasts of Israel saith, Yet will I gather others to him, beside those that are gathered unto him.
The portion I put in bold print above Avraham Gileadi translates as such:
And let not the eunuch say, I am but a barren tree. For thus says the Lord: As for the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths and choose to do what I will—holding fast to my covenant—to them will I give a handclasp and a name within the walls of my house that is better than sons and daughters; I will endow them with an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.
Even though the world may view my SGA handicap as worse than a eunuch, in the eyes of God I am whole. He has given me sacred promises in the Temple and I know that if I hold fast to theses covenants these will be fulfilled. I should learn to view myself as God views me. I am reminded of Paul’s statement in 2 Cor 12:7-10:
“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
I am sorry, but I cannot yet take pleasure in or glory in my infirmities, but I can push them out of my mind and focus on the wonderful blessings that I do have. And I can work to help those who do not enjoy these same blessings such as my other handicapped brothers and sisters. And I can try to help them rejoice in the strengths that they do have.
These people throughout life are limited severely. They have experienced much loneliness, rejection, pain, and grief, yet they are for the most part happy and enjoy the simple blessings of life. One person said that these people learn to live with their limitations gracefully, forgiving God for their design flaws.
I thought of myself and the limitations I experience in life. They seem so minor compared to these folks. Most of these people will never marry. They are frequently rejected by society. Most of my handicaps are private. I have a wonderful wife and family.
Mother Theresa said that when we work with handicapped people we go from repulsion to campassion and from compassion to wonderment. I think that we can go through the same process in working with our own handicaps. In the past I have thought of myself as a eunuch, without the normal attractions that those around me have, knowing that if most people knew of my SGA they would be shocked and treat me differently than they did. Then I discovered a scripture in Isaiah that gave me a different perspective:
Isaiah 56:3-8
Neither let the son of the stranger, that hath joined himself to the LORD, speak, saying, The LORD hath utterly separated me from his people: neither let the eunuch say, Behold, I am a dry tree. For thus saith the LORD unto the eunuchs that keep my sabbaths, and choose the things that please me, and take hold of my covenant; Even unto them will I give in mine house and within my walls a place and a name better than of sons and of daughters: I will give them an everlasting name, that shall not be cut off. Also the sons of the stranger, that join themselves to the LORD, to serve him, and to love the name of the LORD, to be his servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from polluting it, and taketh hold of my covenant; Even them will I bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer: their burnt offerings and their sacrifices shall be accepted upon mine altar; for mine house shall be called an house of prayer for all people. The Lord GOD which gathereth the outcasts of Israel saith, Yet will I gather others to him, beside those that are gathered unto him.
The portion I put in bold print above Avraham Gileadi translates as such:
And let not the eunuch say, I am but a barren tree. For thus says the Lord: As for the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths and choose to do what I will—holding fast to my covenant—to them will I give a handclasp and a name within the walls of my house that is better than sons and daughters; I will endow them with an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.
Even though the world may view my SGA handicap as worse than a eunuch, in the eyes of God I am whole. He has given me sacred promises in the Temple and I know that if I hold fast to theses covenants these will be fulfilled. I should learn to view myself as God views me. I am reminded of Paul’s statement in 2 Cor 12:7-10:
“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”
I am sorry, but I cannot yet take pleasure in or glory in my infirmities, but I can push them out of my mind and focus on the wonderful blessings that I do have. And I can work to help those who do not enjoy these same blessings such as my other handicapped brothers and sisters. And I can try to help them rejoice in the strengths that they do have.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
THE HUNGER FOR MALE PHYSICAL CONTACT
This blogging community is exciting to me. It causes me to reach deep into my inner hunger for male contact and face it instead of running from it. It causes me to recognize my love for my wife and children and the community of friends that trust and respect me. It causes to appreciate and question my love of my Heavenly Father and His Son.
Discussions on several blogs have caused me to ask how far I can go in satisfying my need for emotional and physical contact with males. It raises more questions than I have answers for and I realize that the answers I have come to thus far are for me. I am not proscribing anything for anyone else.
Let me give you an example of my exploration of my inner needs. A few friends have recommended massage as a means of stress relief and relaxation. For me, massage from a male is more fulfilling that one from a female. I found a few relatively inexpensive male therapists in the area and enjoyed the experience of totally letting go of my physical self and letting someone bring pleasure to me. The therapist I settled on has a warm, gentle touch which is a reflection of the kind of person he is. His looks are not appealing to me and I am not attracted to him, but once he puts his hands on my back I relax and let go. I went every few weeks for a while and as soon as I felt that I could trust him we eliminated the sheet he was using to cover me. I made it clear that my genitals were off limits during the massage. I wanted a sensual experience, not a sexual one. He respected my request. My experience with him seemed to fulfill my need for male contact. It was very pleasurable and since I did not have an erection I justified it as a non-sexual experience. But I found myself wishing he would massage me sexually and as he massaged my thighs and stomach I felt strongly stimulated. But it was nice to be completely vulnerable and know that I could trust him to not violate my boundaries. I had no erection, so I assumed that these were not sexual feelings, but I found myself wanting to return more frequently. I had a vague feeling that I probably shouldn't be doing this, even though intellectually I felt that there was nothing wrong. Physical pleasure in an of itself is not wrong. My wife was fully aware of my visits. She had a massage by him once (with sheets of course.) She knew how much I enjoyed the massages and encouraged me to go.
I found myself at times angry at all the time the Church takes from my life, even though my calling was quite fulfilling. I avoided doing some of my Church responsibilities. I found myself angry about all the Church rules, and some heavy handed leaders. Scripture reading got boring. My prayers became flat. I would stop myself at times and say what is happening to me? I have always gruffed at the authoritarian aspects of the Church, but could put it in a broader perspective and recognized that the Church is run by humans with their weaknesses and problems. But I found myself more and more focusing on the negative and being angry and distant from the Spirit. Over time I discovered a pattern. These negative feelings were more intense on the days following the massage. I told myself that I was just too Puritanical and feeling guilty for having innocent pleasure and that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing. But the pattern still continued and at moments, especially during the sacrament, I felt that I should discontinue the massages. I realized that even though I saw nothing sinful in the massage pleasure it was having a negative effect on my spirituality.
What is sin if it isn't something that becomes a wedge between you and God no matter how innocent it seems. I was being fulfilled physically and ending up empty spiritually. I more and more felt negative about those things that brought me spiritual joy and fulfillment in the past. One side of me said I was too much a prude and that I shouldn't feel guilty over a little thing like this. Anyway God permitted me to be wired with SGA and has taken from me the possibility of fulfilling my deep hunger for male physical contact and this is one little way of satisfying some of this need without sinning! The other side of me said look at the spiritual consequences. Are you really happy? You know what the still small voice is saying. Be honest with yourself.
WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES LIKE THIS! If God came down and said stop this, it would be easy. But I have to be sensitive these gentle promptings and struggle with my justifications. I finally asked myself, "Do you love the Lord enough to give this up whether it appears to be right or wrong, to give it up as an act of faith and love?"
For a while I would decide not to go, but a few weeks later would change my mind. It seems that this pleasure had addicting qualities. I have stopped going for massages for some time. I do feel my spiritual balance returning. I made the right decision for me. But often the hunger returns and the thought comes, "Why not just this once?" and I begin to rationalize why it would be OK.
Discussions on several blogs have caused me to ask how far I can go in satisfying my need for emotional and physical contact with males. It raises more questions than I have answers for and I realize that the answers I have come to thus far are for me. I am not proscribing anything for anyone else.
Let me give you an example of my exploration of my inner needs. A few friends have recommended massage as a means of stress relief and relaxation. For me, massage from a male is more fulfilling that one from a female. I found a few relatively inexpensive male therapists in the area and enjoyed the experience of totally letting go of my physical self and letting someone bring pleasure to me. The therapist I settled on has a warm, gentle touch which is a reflection of the kind of person he is. His looks are not appealing to me and I am not attracted to him, but once he puts his hands on my back I relax and let go. I went every few weeks for a while and as soon as I felt that I could trust him we eliminated the sheet he was using to cover me. I made it clear that my genitals were off limits during the massage. I wanted a sensual experience, not a sexual one. He respected my request. My experience with him seemed to fulfill my need for male contact. It was very pleasurable and since I did not have an erection I justified it as a non-sexual experience. But I found myself wishing he would massage me sexually and as he massaged my thighs and stomach I felt strongly stimulated. But it was nice to be completely vulnerable and know that I could trust him to not violate my boundaries. I had no erection, so I assumed that these were not sexual feelings, but I found myself wanting to return more frequently. I had a vague feeling that I probably shouldn't be doing this, even though intellectually I felt that there was nothing wrong. Physical pleasure in an of itself is not wrong. My wife was fully aware of my visits. She had a massage by him once (with sheets of course.) She knew how much I enjoyed the massages and encouraged me to go.
I found myself at times angry at all the time the Church takes from my life, even though my calling was quite fulfilling. I avoided doing some of my Church responsibilities. I found myself angry about all the Church rules, and some heavy handed leaders. Scripture reading got boring. My prayers became flat. I would stop myself at times and say what is happening to me? I have always gruffed at the authoritarian aspects of the Church, but could put it in a broader perspective and recognized that the Church is run by humans with their weaknesses and problems. But I found myself more and more focusing on the negative and being angry and distant from the Spirit. Over time I discovered a pattern. These negative feelings were more intense on the days following the massage. I told myself that I was just too Puritanical and feeling guilty for having innocent pleasure and that there was nothing wrong with what I was doing. But the pattern still continued and at moments, especially during the sacrament, I felt that I should discontinue the massages. I realized that even though I saw nothing sinful in the massage pleasure it was having a negative effect on my spirituality.
What is sin if it isn't something that becomes a wedge between you and God no matter how innocent it seems. I was being fulfilled physically and ending up empty spiritually. I more and more felt negative about those things that brought me spiritual joy and fulfillment in the past. One side of me said I was too much a prude and that I shouldn't feel guilty over a little thing like this. Anyway God permitted me to be wired with SGA and has taken from me the possibility of fulfilling my deep hunger for male physical contact and this is one little way of satisfying some of this need without sinning! The other side of me said look at the spiritual consequences. Are you really happy? You know what the still small voice is saying. Be honest with yourself.
WHY DO I HAVE TO MAKE CHOICES LIKE THIS! If God came down and said stop this, it would be easy. But I have to be sensitive these gentle promptings and struggle with my justifications. I finally asked myself, "Do you love the Lord enough to give this up whether it appears to be right or wrong, to give it up as an act of faith and love?"
For a while I would decide not to go, but a few weeks later would change my mind. It seems that this pleasure had addicting qualities. I have stopped going for massages for some time. I do feel my spiritual balance returning. I made the right decision for me. But often the hunger returns and the thought comes, "Why not just this once?" and I begin to rationalize why it would be OK.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
MIRACLE AT THE GYM
I have been away for a while, enjoying the blessings of my large family. Many children and grandchildren have consumed my life. What a wonderful way to go! I have thought of the many times I have been tempted to stray from the Path and am grateful that Heavenly Father has helped not betray the trust of my wife, my children, my grandchildren.
I discussed in some of my posts the challenge I have had in the locker room, especially in the showers. There is often stress because of my desire to check out those across from me. It has been hard to keep my eyes from wandering. Some times I have watched those smiling at me and masturbating and felt guilty afterwards. I have requested curtains many times to no avail and finally gave up asking. I have considered not going to the gym even though I know that the exercise there keeps me healthy, alert, and energized. I love the way my body feels and looks when I am in shape. I sleep well at night. A week ago I went in for a shower and there were curtains!! It was wonderful! This is the only gym in the area I know of now with curtains. I didn't realize how stressful the showers were until I pulled the curtain closed, and showered in private. It is wonderful to walk in there knowing that there is no temptation. I know that I should be Mr. Straightarrow, walking into the valley of temptation and never yielding. But I am not. I have, over time, been able to overcome the weakness to look at porn on the computer without the use of a filter. But I needed this filter in the shower where I didn't seek out porn but it often followed me.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have all the benefits of testosterone without the SGA challenges! Wouldn't be wonderful to be fully vulnerable to the feelings of love and affection toward males without the strong desire to go beyond that which is appropriate. I hope that when I go through the veil and leave behind my telestial body I will feel that release of stress that I felt behind the shower curtain. I hope that some day I will be worthy of a celestial body with celestial attractions and powers. Oh, what joy I will have with my family and all of my friends then!
A footnote: I know that I will never be "worthy" of a celestial body. My life has been far from perfect. I know that I will only reach that joyous state because of the blood of Jesus Christ and His Atoning Sacrifice. I know that there is hope for all of us because of Him in spite of the telestial burdens we must carry throughout mortal life.
I discussed in some of my posts the challenge I have had in the locker room, especially in the showers. There is often stress because of my desire to check out those across from me. It has been hard to keep my eyes from wandering. Some times I have watched those smiling at me and masturbating and felt guilty afterwards. I have requested curtains many times to no avail and finally gave up asking. I have considered not going to the gym even though I know that the exercise there keeps me healthy, alert, and energized. I love the way my body feels and looks when I am in shape. I sleep well at night. A week ago I went in for a shower and there were curtains!! It was wonderful! This is the only gym in the area I know of now with curtains. I didn't realize how stressful the showers were until I pulled the curtain closed, and showered in private. It is wonderful to walk in there knowing that there is no temptation. I know that I should be Mr. Straightarrow, walking into the valley of temptation and never yielding. But I am not. I have, over time, been able to overcome the weakness to look at porn on the computer without the use of a filter. But I needed this filter in the shower where I didn't seek out porn but it often followed me.
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have all the benefits of testosterone without the SGA challenges! Wouldn't be wonderful to be fully vulnerable to the feelings of love and affection toward males without the strong desire to go beyond that which is appropriate. I hope that when I go through the veil and leave behind my telestial body I will feel that release of stress that I felt behind the shower curtain. I hope that some day I will be worthy of a celestial body with celestial attractions and powers. Oh, what joy I will have with my family and all of my friends then!
A footnote: I know that I will never be "worthy" of a celestial body. My life has been far from perfect. I know that I will only reach that joyous state because of the blood of Jesus Christ and His Atoning Sacrifice. I know that there is hope for all of us because of Him in spite of the telestial burdens we must carry throughout mortal life.
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